Potatoes: Russet, King Edward, and Idaho

Can potatoes be iconic? If so, Russet would be a contender.

Potato? Po-tah-to?  Oh, BTW, another member of the nightshade family is our friendly tomato/to-mah-to. Is it just us, or did Fred Astaire’s song just become hella more sinister? Like, was he just trying to bump Ginger off? (PS: Ginger is delicious, though maybe not with potatoes or tomatoes.)

Anyhoodle. WDGAF what you call them (though if you call them po-tah-toes you’re probably a wanker), we’re just trying to help you understand them a bit better. There’s nothing sadder than a misunderstood potato. If you cut them, do they not bleed? No, they do not. Because, and try to keep up here: they are potatoes.

Alrighty then. So, like, we’re all basically eating our way through this pandemic, right? And let’s say one day you happen upon this perfectly Instagramable recipe for hasselback potatoes.

No, Carl. HASSELBACK.

You head to the market, wander to the produce section, and...now what? Which potatoes are best for impressing your friends with totally candid shots of your perfectly prepared spuds?

Basically, that depends on two things: starch and wax. In addition to being a hilarious Monty Python skit, starch and wax determine how potatoes react when you do stuff to them.

So, you’ve got your starchy potatoes. Your waxy potatoes. And those middle-of-the-road, all purpose potatoes. Today, we’re talking starch. Starchy, starchy, starchy.

NO, CARL. STOP IT.

Potatoes that fall into the starchy category are, wait for it: HIGH IN STARCH. Minds. Blown. They also have a low moisture content, and are kinda thick-skinned. (Go ahead, insult them all you like. You know, like cooking and eating them isn’t insulting enough. “Hey? Why did the potato cross the road? It didn’t. Because it’s a fucking potato.”) 

Ok. But. What does all of it even mean?

Well, to start, it means starchy potatoes don’t really hold their shape very well. So, if you’re looking to make that perfect gratin, a casserole or a potato salad … well, these aren’t the spuds you’re looking for. Move along.

But if you want perfectly fluffy baked or mashed potatoes (AND WHO DOESN’T?!?) then these are your guys. These starchy Hottentots are not too watery, so they make the best fries and chips, and, to be fair, probably tater tots. They’re light and airy, like one of Donald Drumpf’s children, and soak up butter and cream like nobody’s business (which is, coincidentally, exactly what Donald Drumpf’s children should be running).

These same airy, absorbent qualities are also found in starchy pasta, which is why it can soak up Sunday sauce real good like. Are you finally starting to see why gnocchi - the veritable cotton candy of the potato world - is the single greatest accomplishment in culinary history? The first image result you get from a search for gnocchi on the internet is so fucking good-looking that we can’t even include it in this post, just in case one of you has a heart condition.

Be warned though, these starchy bastards do not appreciate your manhandling. So when you’re mashing them all up or rolling them into gnocchi, don’t overdo it ... that starch will start to get all gluey. And glue is bad to eat. Even Kelly Gibson knows that. Plus, when you’re stuffing taters in your face, you don’t want anything slowing you down.

Tasting Notes:

1. Coarse skins

2. Creamy white flesh

3. High starch content

4. Low moisture content

5. Typically longer rather than round

6. Gooey, starchy liquid if you prick/cut them

Varieties:

1. Russet

2. Idaho

3. King Edward

Serving Suggestions:

Bake a fucking potato. Tell us how it went in the comments.